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How can you tell a drummer's at the door?
The knocking speeds up.
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What's
the last thing a drummer says in a band?
"Hey guys, why don't we try one of my songs?
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What
do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?
Homeless.
•
How
can you tell when a drummer's at the door?
He doesn't know when to come in
•
What
do Ginger Baker and black coffee have in common?
They both suck without Cream.
•
How
many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five: One to screw the bulb in, and four to talk about how
much better Neil Peart coulda done it.
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How
many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they have a machine to do that now.
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How
can you tell when the drum riser is level?
Drool comes out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.
Drummer
Jokes
•
Why
didn't the little drummer boy get into heaven?
Because he woke the baby for Christ's sake!
•
What
do you call a drummer with half a brain?
Gifted.
•
What
do you call a Drummer in a Volkswagen?
Farfromthinken.
•
What
does a drummer use for contraception?
His personality.
MusicWear.com
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What's
the best way to confuse a drummer?
Put a sheet of music in front of him.
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"Hey
buddy, how late does the band play?"
"Oh, about a half beat behind the drummer."
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Why
is a drum machine better than a drummer?
Because it can keep good time and won't sleep with your
girlfriend.
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Hey,
did you hear about the drummer who finished high school?
Me either.
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How
do you get a drummer to play quieter?
Put a chart in front of him
•
Why
do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car?
So they can park in the handicapped spot.
•
What
do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A drummer.
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How
can you tell when a drummer's at the door?
The knocking speeds up.
•
How
is a drum solo like a sneeze?
You can tell it's coming, but you can't do anything about
it.
•
What
does the average drummer get on an IQ test?
Drool.
•
What
do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?
Homeless.
SmallDrums.com
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What's
the last thing the band wants to hear the drummer say?
"Hey guys, wanna try one of my songs?"
•
What's
the first thing a drummer says when he moves to LA?
"Would you like fries with that sir?"
•
Why
do bands have bass players?
To translate for the drummer.
Drummer
Jokes
•
How can
you tell a drummer is walking behind you?
You can hear his knuckles dragging on the ground.
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I
once asked a drummer how to spell "Mississippi".
He said, "the river or the state?"
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How
do guitar players get away with parking in the handicap
spots?
They put drumsticks on the dash.
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What
do you call a dozen drummers at the bottom of the sea?
A good start!
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Did you
hear about the drummer who got accepted to Yale?
Neither
did I.
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Why
are drummers always losing their watches?
Everyone knows they have trouble keeping time.
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What
do you call a kid with a set of drums?
The poster child for Birth Control.
•
What
do you call a bunch of kids with drums?
Jerry's Kids.
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What
would you call the smartest drummer in the world?
Mildly retarded.
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What
do you call 10 guys in a drum circle?
A
dope ring.
ABC
Drums.com
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What
is the difference between a drummer and a savings bond?
One will mature and make money.
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Did
you hear about the drummer who finished high school?
Me neither.
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What
do you call a beautiful woman on a drummer's arm?
A tatoo.
Drummer
Jokes
•
What's
the difference between a large pizza and a drummer?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
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What's
the difference between a high school drumline and shoes
in a dryer?
Nothing
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How
do you get a drummer to play an accelerando?
Ask him to play in 4/4 at a steady 120 bpm.
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What
do you do if you accidentally run over a drummer?
Back up.
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What
do you call a drummer with half a brain?
Overqualified.
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What
is the difference between a bad drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
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How
can you make a drummer's car more aerodynamic?
Take the Pizza sign off of it.
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What's
the biggest lie told to a drummer?
Hang on a minute and I'll help you with your gear.
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What
did the drummer say to the band leader?
Do you want me to play too fast or too slow?
Drummer
Jokes
ONE
LINERS
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If thine
enemy wrong thee, buy each of his children a drum. - Ancient
Proverb
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Oxymorons:
Drum Music
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So many
drummers, so little time. (Ouch!)
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Overheard:
"Will the musicians please come to the stage. Oh, and
the drummer too."
STORIES
•
An amateur
drummer died and went to heaven. He was waiting outside
the pearly gates when he heard the most incredible fast
and furious drumming coming from within. Immediately he
recognized the playing and rushed to ask St. Peter if that
was Buddy Rich playing drums inside the gates. St. Peter
responded: "No, that's God. He just thinks he's Buddy
Rich."
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A guy
wanted to play bass in a band. The band told him, "Okay,
but you will have to have 1/3 of your brain removed."
So the guy went into surgery. When he woke up, the doctor
said, "I'm terribly sorry, but we made a mistake and
accidentally removed 3/4's of your brain instead. You're
now a drummer".
•
A man
goes to a pacific island for vacation. As the boat nears,
he notices the constant sound of drumming. As he gets
off the boat, he asks a native how long the drumming will
go on. The native casts about nervously and says "very
bad when drumming stops."
Later that day, the drumming is still going and it is
really starting to get to him. So, he asks another native
when the drumming will stop. The native looks as if he's
just been spooked. "Very bad when drumming stops,"
he says, and hurries off.
After
a couple of days with little sleep, the man had had enough.
He grabbed the first native he saw, slammed him up against
a tree, and shouted, "What happens when the drumming
stops?!"
The
native replied, "Bass solo."
•
A New
York drummer by the name of Joe was out of work and desperately
searching for a gig. He went to the union office where they
told him about plentiful jobs in Greece. "Greece?,
the drummer said. The union representative replied, "Hey,
do you want to work or don't you?".
So the
man packed his bags and headed off to Greece. He was to
meet up with an old guy by the name of Tarek at a small
pub near the town of Perin. Upon his arrival, he located
the pub but Tarek was nowhere to be found.
He tracked
Tarek down later by phone. He said he needed him for a last
minute wedding gig tonight at the Oasis hotel. There would
be over 400 guests but unfortunately there wouldn't be time
for a rehearsal. Tarek said, "Just show up with your
drums and be ready to play." Well, the NY drummer wasn't
that nervous. He he had played hundreds of wedding gigs
back in New York and he was just happy to have some work.
Joe
arrived at the hotel on time. The whole band was there except
the band leader, Tarek. He set up his drums and patiently
awaited for the old guy. Tarek finally arrived 5 minutes
before they were supposed to go on. He frantically set up
his music stand and raised his arm to lead the band. "Wait!,
shouted the NY drummer, what are we playing?" Tarek
looked at him calmly (knowing he was a professional drummer)
and stated, "Just relax and give me strong backbeats
on 7 and 13."
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Drummer
Jokes
•
St. Peter
was checking ID's at the pearly gates. He asks the first
man, "What did you do on Earth?" The
man replied, "I was a doctor." St.
Peter says, "OK, go right through those two shiny gates
to your left.
"Next
person! What did you do on Earth?" , "I
was a school teacher."
"OK,
..through those two gates and to the left
."Next!
..And what did you do on Earth?" . "Oh,
I was a musician."
"All
right, go around to the back door, up the freight elevator,
through the kitchen and..."
•
A customer
walks into the brand new store downtown that sells brains.
There are three glass cases, each containing a nice wet
quivering gray brain. The first one says "SCIENTIST",
and it costs $100. The second says "ELECTRICIAN"
and costs $1000. The third says "DRUMMER" and
costs $10,000. The customer is confused, and questions the
salesperson.
"I don't get it...why would I want a drummer's brain
for $10,000 when I can get an scientist's brain for $100?".
The
salesman replied, "Because, it's never been used."
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A horn
player who had been playing with Buddy Rich for many years
came back from vacation to hear a rumor that Buddy had died.
He didn't quite believe it, so he phoned Buddy's wife and
said "Can I speak to Buddy please?"
Buddy's
wife said, "I'm sorry, Buddy passed away last week."
"Oh,
I'm sorry to hear that," he said, and hung up.
A couple
of hours later, he called her again. "Is Buddy there
please?"
"No,
I'm sorry. Buddy's no longer with us," said Buddy's
wife. And hung up the phone.
Ten
minutes later, he called Buddy's wife again. "Can I
speak to Buddy please?" he said.
She
recognized his voice, and said: "Look, I've told you
before, BUDDY'S DEAD!" And slammed down the phone.
Two
minutes later, and the phone rang again... "Is Buddy
at home please?" the horn player asked.
Buddy's
wife was furious. "I'm not going to tell you again,
Buddy is dead.. D. E. A. D., DEAD. Why do you keep calling
me to ask for Buddy???!!!!"
The
horn player replied, .."I just love hearing you say
it."
•
If a
hundred dollar bill was laying in the center of a room,
and Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, a drummer with good time,
and a drummer with bad time were standing in the corners,
who would get to it first?
The drummer with bad time of course. The other three don't
exist.
Drummer
Jokes
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•
A drummer,
tired of being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn
how to play some "real" musical instruments. He
goes to a music store, walks in, approaches the store clerk,
and says "I'll take that red trumpet over there and
that accordion."
The store clerk looks at him a bit funny, and replies "OK,
you can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator's got
to stay"
.
•
A young
drummer girl was walking along the street when she heard..
"Psst! Down here!"
She
looked down and saw a frog sitting by the curb. The frog
says to her, "Hey, if you kiss me I'll turn into a
world famous drummer and make you rich and famous!"
She thought for a moment and reached down, grabbed the frog
and stuffed it in her pocket.
A woman
standing nearby witnessing the whole event said, "What
did you do that for?"
The
girl replied, "I'm not stupid. I know a talking frog
is worth heaps more than a famous drummer any day!"
•
Two cowboys
were waiting in their bunkers for the Indians to attack.
They listened to the distant pounding war drums.
One cowboy muttered to the other, "I don't like the
sound of them drums."
Just then, an Indian voice came over the hill, "It's
not our usual drummer!"
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